


and if my eyes deceive me

by sayumiflowers (frost_belle)



Series: for all of my pretty, and all of my ugly too [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Canon Compliant, Female Hinata Shouyou, Gen, Genderfluid Kageyama Tobio, Misunderstandings, Pre-Slash, Rated for Minor Language, Suga knows too much, accidental misgendering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-15 04:41:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28557789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frost_belle/pseuds/sayumiflowers
Summary: The thing is, Hinata isn’t entirely sure why she’s so obsessed with the fact that Kageyama is a girl.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou & Kageyama Tobio, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Series: for all of my pretty, and all of my ugly too [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2092392
Comments: 2
Kudos: 41





	and if my eyes deceive me

**Author's Note:**

> hey all :) i wrote this at 4 am cuz i couldnt sleep and finished it when i should have been in class, so if there are any mistakes let me know. no beta in sight here folks, this is a team effort.
> 
> also forgive hinata for about 90% of this fic, she means well but she can't take a hint, poor kageyama _(:」∠)_

The thing is, Hinata isn’t entirely sure why she’s so obsessed with the fact that Kageyama is a girl. 

It’s not like she can fault her, seeing as she herself is kind of, you know, _also_ hiding her gender from the team. The _boys_ ’ volleyball team. She gets it, honestly, except for the fact that she really, really doesn’t. 

In the few months since their tumultuous second meeting on the Karasuno volleyball court, Kageyama has become something like her best friend. Their relationship is undoubtedly strange, and the fact that they’re also rivals creates the unconventional sub-dynamic of them each doing their best to make the other eat dirt, but there’s a not-insignificant amount of trust built up between them now, she thinks. So long as Kageyama sets to her, Hinata will always, always be there. 

It stings a little, then, to know that trust doesn’t extend to this mutual secret of theirs. But Hinata’s curiosity outweighs even that wound to her pride, because she just can’t, for the life of her, figure out why someone like _Kageyama_ would need to hide her gender. Kageyama is an amazingly cool volleyball prodigy in all of the ways Hinata knows that she is not. She’s well-built and a well rounded player, crazy good at receiving and blocking, not to mention her mind-boggling, irreplicable sets. She doesn’t have something to prove, not the same way Hinata does; Kageyama could have easily dominated on the women’s volleyball team, and no one would bat an eye or think she was weak because of it. No one would say she didn’t deserve to stand on the court. 

Then again, that would mean she and Kageyama never would have met, promised to defeat each other, and become partners and friends. Which only brings Hinata back to the lapse in trust between them, some terrible miscommunication along the way, and thinking in circles like this is melting her brain, stupid Bakageyama. 

Kageyama isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed when it comes to anything other than volleyball, but she has to know about Hinata like Hinata knows about her. It’s not easy, per say, to hide from the others— Sugawara always looks like he knows too much, and some of Tsukishima’s snide comments are just shy of being truthful— but the fact that they are dumb boys who don’t know better helps. Kageyama is not a dumb boy. She is a girl, just like Hinata, who is very careful not to lift her baggy shirt too high when she uses it to wipe sweat from her brow, and who always winces when they get penalty flying falls. She changes in a bathroom stall and ignores the joking comments she gets about being proud of what must be a ripped torso, considering how much she trains. Her face is a little too soft, her eyes a little too round, her voice a little too bright to be a true baritone. Hinata notices because she’s practically the same, and she knows Kageyama’s eyes linger around the girlish pout of her lips and the dip of her waist too often for her not to know too. But she never says anything when Hinata catches her staring, and it rubs her the wrong way. 

They are partners, right? They’ve got to stick together if they want to beat each other on the world stage, and in Hinata’s humble opinion, there’s nothing that binds two gals together quite like the shared traumatic experience of hiding the fact that they are girls from a locker room full of teenage boys. 

Despite all of that, she never brings it up with Kageyama, even if she really does want to. The small part of her brain that, ironically, sounds sort of like Kageyama, tells her that _maybe they don’t talk about it for good reason, dumbass, don’t butt into other people’s business for a change_ , and it’s especially annoying because it’s probably right _._ And besides, things between them are good right now, great, even. Kageyama’s tosses are as _gwahhh_ and _fwooshhh_ as ever, and they talk all of the time outside of practice. Hinata even gets away with stealing from Kageyama’s bento most days. 

So really, when she inevitably fucks up, the hindsight is clear enough for her to kick herself. She knows that when Kageyama goes stock still and turns her gaze resolutely towards the linoleum tiles she, Hinata Shouyou, has just done some incredibly Dumb Shit, and her lunchtime thievery is probably going to suffer for it. 

It happens like this: the locker room is empty except for the two of them, because they stayed late after practice ended cleaning up the gym. Kageyama must deem it safe enough to change at the benches while Hinata uses the bathroom, which would normally be an accurate assessment. The problem is, she really needs the pads that she forgot to take into the stall with her, and when she creeps back into the main part of the locker room to get them, Kageyama is shirtless, with her back facing her, and Hinata chokes on air. 

Kageyama whips around, clutching her chest and flushing red as a tomato, only to relax— ever so slightly— when she realizes who it is that’s seen her. 

“Good fucking god, Hinata.”

“Sorry!” Hinata yelps, feeling her own face flame. “I just... forgot... something important.” She scurries to where her bag is thrown haphazardly on the bench and reaches into the front pocket. Holding the pad between two fingers, she waves it at Kageyama, who grimaces with understanding. 

“Ah. I, um, have some Tylenol if you need it.”

“Nah, I took some Advil before practice. Thanks, though.” 

Kageyama nods, pulling her uniform— a boy’s one, a few sizes bigger than hers— back on and looking away, seemingly done with the conversation. Hinata isn’t though. This is the first time they’ve ever explicitly caught each other, or revealed the fact that _they know_. There’s no reason for Hinata to hold back from having this conversation, so she doesn’t. 

“Hey,” she saddles up to Kageyama’s side and grabs her arm as shes sliding into her gakuran. When she looks up, Kageyama is eyeing her with no small amount of reprehension, but Hinata doesn’t let it deter her. “We’re both girls, right? We don’t have to hide it from each other, at least, anymore!”

And that’s where things go wrong. Kageyama doesn’t look relieved; quite the contrary, she goes stiff under Hinata’s touch and looks away. Her hand clenches and unclenches in the dark fabric of her jacket. 

“Uh.” Of all the ways Hinata had imagined this conversation would go, Kageyama getting _upset_ honestly hadn’t been one of them. “Was it something I said?”

“I’m not,” Kageyama grits, voice oddly quiet considering it’s Hinata she’s talking to. She rips her arm out of her grip. “‘m not a girl.”

Hinata gapes, hardly believing her ears. “W-what? Bakageyama, I just saw you half-naked, and even if I hadn’t, you can’t keep it from me because I know what to look for. I just said you don’t have to hide!” 

Honestly, what is her deal? It’s not like... it’s not like Hinata would spill her secret, how dumb does Kageyama think she is? And even if she were a boy... well, it’d probably be a little weird at first, but Kageyama would still be her friend, no doubt. Friends don’t tell the whole volleyball team that one of them is an imposter. 

Kageyama clenches her fists again. “I’m not!” she says a little louder, and then turns to meet her eye with a forceful jerk of her head. Hinata takes a step back, eyes widening at the strange expression wavering on Kageyama’s face, where it does not belong. Kageyama is many things; prideful, contemplative, downright terrifying at times, but not... scared. 

The last time she’d seen such a look on her face was when Tsukishima revealed the true nature of the moniker “king of the court.” Hinata is a little worried. 

“Kageyama?”

“I’m a boy, okay?” Kageyama squeezes her (his?) eyes shut. “Sometimes. Most of the time I just _am_. Hinata, I... I’m...” 

And suddenly, a lot of things make a lot more sense to Hinata. She reaches out and takes Kageyama’s hands in her small ones. They are smooth where she rubs them with the pads of her thumbs, but she knows they are strong and calloused on the undersides. “It’s okay,” she murmurs. She won’t press Kageyama if... it must be a sensitive topic, since even Hinata took the hint. “I get it.” 

“Do you?” Kageyama arches a brow and sighs, reclaiming one hand to pass it through short, silky hair. “Hinata, I want you to know, if only so you shut up about it. I’m... genderfluid,” Kageyama says, voice cracking on the last syllable. 

The locker room falls silent, save for the rustle of clothes as Kageyama finishes dressing. Outside, someone yells— probably Noya or Tanaka. A long moment passes. Then—

“Okay,” Hinata says. Kageyama looks at her, confused.

“Okay?” 

“Okay. What pronouns should I use?” 

A flash of surprise flits over Kageyama’s face. “I... huh?” 

“I said, what pronouns—“

“No, no, I heard,” Kageyama appears more than a little lost, glancing at Hinata like she’s grown three heads and is currently doing the Macarena. “I just don’t... don’t you _care_?”

Hinata reaches up on her tippy toes to plant her hands on Kageyama’s shoulders, pressing down gently and guiding them both to sit side-by-side on the bench. She faces Kageyama, leaning in earnestly and noting the way pink cheeks darken. “I care about _you_ , and if you’re okay. I’m—“ one hand reaches up to sheepishly scratch at the nape of her neck. “—sorry I jumped to conclusions. I made you uncomfortable. How should I call you so it doesn’t happen again?”

It’s quiet enough to hear a pin drop. Kageyama’s jaw falls open, like it’s so completely unfathomable for Hinata to show such a level of maturity (to be fair, it kind of is, outside of Strictly Volleyball Things). But the disbelief clears as quick as it comes, and blue, blue eyes swell with something that looks a lot like relief and gratitude. 

“I’d prefer they/them,” Kageyama says softly. “But, uh, you should keep pretending I’m a boy around other people. ‘S easier that way.” 

“So he/him if we’re not alone?” Hinata confirms. 

“Y-yeah.”

“Okay,” Hinata breathes. Kageyama stares at their shoes like they are the most interesting things this side of the Pacific. “Thank you for telling me this, Kageyama.” 

They only hum in response. 

“Tell Daichi we’re still alive in here, alright?” Hinata stands and pats them on the back. “I still got to take care of the crimson wave, so wait for me outside.” 

Kageyama snorts at that and moves to collect their things, the bad joke seemingly enough to reboot their brain. Hinata smiles a little and relocates to the bathroom stall to finish her business. Funny, the things that happen when you forget your period supplies in the men’s locker room.

She’s in and out in record time, skidding slightly when she steps onto a patch of still-wet floor she had helped mop earlier. Only one row of the fluorescent lights are still lit up. Kageyama isn’t in the gym, which makes sense since she told them to wait outside, but neither is Daichi. Instead, Sugawara waves to her from the door. 

“You okay, Hinata? Problems with your stomach again?” 

“Not the kind you’re thinking of,” Hinata huffs a rueful laugh. 

Sugawara locks up behind them, and comes with when she goes to receive her bicycle from the shed. As she fiddles with the combination lock, he sighs. 

“I heard a little bit of yelling while you and Kageyama were changing. Are you sure everything’s alright?” 

If Sugawara notices her flinch, he doesn’t mention it. “Don’t worry, Suga-san. It was... an enlightening conversation. Kageyama and I aren’t fighting, I promise.”

“Okay then,” Sugawara ruffles her hair, much to her protest. “I’ll leave you to it.”

Hinata beams as she rolls the bike towards Sakanoshita Store, where Kageyama is waiting, meat buns in hand. “‘Night, Suga-san!”

She doesn’t see the way Sugawara watches their retreating forms, pensive as he takes in the close press of their bodies and the raucous laughter filling the evening air.

**Author's Note:**

> kageyama's perception of their gender is entirely based on my own, although not exactly the same. the reason i wrote them as genderfluid and not nonbinary is because that's the label i most vibe with, but i can see how some might argue they better fit nb or agender. at the end of the day gender means something different to everyone and this is just how i interpret kageyama :)
> 
> i will definitely be writing more for this series, i have a lot of ideas planned not just for afab kageyama but also hinata-pretending-to-be-a-boy-so-she-can-play-more-freaking-volleyball-shouyou, so let me know if you enjoyed this ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿
> 
> thanks for reading!


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